Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
