the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
