are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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