Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
