Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
