and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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