i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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