at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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