I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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