There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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