i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
