Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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