hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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