you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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