Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
