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Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
