I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
The best revenge is premature balding
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
