we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
