this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
