He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
