p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
