When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
