exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
