i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
