so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does it feel to date your dad?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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