This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
