fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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