Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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