dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
