is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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