Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
