he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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