Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
