I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize