Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
