i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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