Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
