I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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