I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
