He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
where are you?
Hypothermia
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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