Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I could have mohawked her pubes.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
