May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
