I'm so fucking centered right now
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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