i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
