I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
All the doctor said was why
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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