Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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