i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize