I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
