I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
