Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i love accidental penises.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
