is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
she smelled like a LAN party
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
