dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
