Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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