you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
