I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
