just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
