Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
