i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
