And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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