I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You dont lie about slip and slides
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
