We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
